When I was 20, in my final year of university, I had a startling realization: my parents didn’t really know me.
For years, I had hidden so much of myself from them—bits and pieces of my true self that I felt they wouldn’t accept. In their place, I presented what I thought they wanted to see: a version of me that neatly fit their expectations.
But something significant happened along the way. As I toned myself down and moulded myself into what I believed others wanted, I began to lose touch with who I really was. It was as though I had buried my authentic self so deeply that I could no longer access it.
The result? A profound loss of self-confidence.
The Importance of Being Seen
To truly know someone—whether a partner, a friend, or a child—is not about observing their outward behaviours or the roles they play. It’s about understanding their inner world: their thoughts, feelings, and unique perspective on life.
This kind of connection requires more than casual conversation. It demands deep listening—the kind of listening that seeks to understand without judgment or interruption, that resists the urge to impose your own views or expectations.
When a child feels seen for who they truly are, something transformative happens. They feel loved—not for their achievements or for how well they conform, but for their authentic selves. And from this place of being unconditionally accepted, they develop the ability to love and accept themselves.
Safety is the Foundation
For children to feel seen, they first need to feel safe.
Safety in this context isn’t just about physical well-being—it’s emotional. Children need to know they can express their true selves without fear of rejection, criticism, or punishment. When they feel this kind of safety, they begin to trust that their parents will accept them exactly as they are.
But how often do we as parents inadvertently create environments where our children feel they must tone themselves down or hide parts of who they are? Perhaps it’s through subtle comments about their choices, or maybe it’s the expectations we unintentionally project.
Why This Matters to Me
This journey of understanding—of recognizing how important it is to feel seen and safe—is why I do the work I do.
I want to help parents truly see their children. Not just the behaviours or the labels, but the whole person beneath. I want to help parents uncover what’s going on below the surface so they can connect with their child in a way that fosters confidence, trust, and love.
Because when children grow up feeling seen and accepted, they step into the world knowing their worth. They carry with them the unshakable belief that they are enough, exactly as they are.
And isn’t that what we all want for our children?
So I ask you: Is your child truly themselves around you? And if not, how can you begin to create the kind of relationship where they feel safe enough to let their true self shine?
Let’s raise a generation of children who don’t have to wait until adulthood to rediscover who they are. Let’s see them now, just as they are.
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